yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
