I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
