we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You are a genius and a whore.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
