i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
