is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
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Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
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My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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