Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
