I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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