i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
