Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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