Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
