Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
