even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
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