By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
