good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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