you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
