hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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