We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
