my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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