It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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