I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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