I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
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my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
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Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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