Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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