I think I died a long time ago.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
