So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
