just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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