this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
