So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize