I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
