Someone shit on the floor
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
