My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
