we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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