No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
