If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
