I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
