Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
