This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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