Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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