Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
