Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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