I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
