My Higher Power is John Stamos
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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