Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
