do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
