All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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