sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
