You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
