like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
