I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
