I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
