he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
