I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
