is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
