no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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