38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
