I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
