Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
