Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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