Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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