Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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