how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
