I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
