I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
