I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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