I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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