PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
