You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
