I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
