I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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