yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
