I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
