Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
