Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
