At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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