We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
