A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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